11.18.25, 10:21
Smoked half a .4g joint of Blue Cheese x OG Skunk, the flower grown by Vibe, the joint rolled by me.
It provided an immediate lift and it hasn’t been bitey, so far. It’s billed as a sativa, which feels appropriate. I have been in the midst of leaf cleanup. It’s humid and warm. So humid that I had to stop to change from pants to shorts. And while I was stopped to change I figured, Why not burn one?
I have Covid so I can’t do much else with the day. I’m grounded.
There are a lot of trees around our house; they are mostly through dropping their leaves. I’m putting the leaves on a tarp or in a bag and removing them to a spot down the hill, outside the backyard fence. I don’t want to clean up the same leaves twice.
For entertainment, I’m listening to this week’s Discover Weekly. It’s fine. The Cheese x Skunk is also fine. It does provide the opportunity to clamber down some rabbit holes.
We got word yesterday that a 15-house development is planned right around this spot we moved to just about a year ago now. I’m not surprised by this news but it has made me somber and unhappy. These days I am too often unhappy. Or as my dad said to me when I was younger and then said to me again from his nursing home bed earlier this year, “Never happy.”
This is my poor, ailing, dementia-riddled dad who says almost nothing anymore. At the time he said this he wasn’t eating much, wasn’t getting out of bed. I was trying to feed him but he was clearly not keen on it. Out of nowhere, having said nothing in the prior two hours of may visit, he drops the “Never happy” on me. It stung at the time, still does. But I must admit he might actually be right.
Which is part of the reason I smoke. To get outside of myself. To seek and hopefully to attain some perspective. And maybe I have a sense right now of what hampers my mood.
I have ideals, goals, wishes, dreams, preferences, motivations that aren’t monetary. Thanks in no small part to Dad, his career in the stock market, his stock-picking prowess, his foresight, his specialty in setting up trusts.
This has been beneficial for me (and his other two children) but it has also put me at odds with society. It’s a misalignment which—because I have accepted it, gone with it, taken it—has kept me out of step with other people, whether they be strangers or friends or neighbors. What I want is the perfect environs. Which isn’t reasonable, isn’t normal. Most other people out in the world, from day to day, aren’t seeking perfection, they’re seeking a paycheck, they’re trying to stock their retirement account. What they are after then need. What I am after I merely want.
This is the Blue Cheese. Another mind-activating, mind-bending sativa from Vibe Cannabis. I’d get this again, it gets me as close to happy, as close to contentment as I will get until I drop my unreasonable expectations for this life. 11:03.
Weeds of Grass 